--exactly.
-
Anyway my eyes are super dry these days. Effect lenses, perhaps?
Saturday 24 December 2016
Friday 23 December 2016
Grandma.
Its 2.35am and once again i have difficulty to sleep.
All those memories of my late grandma pierced into my mind.
And it hurts. Badly.
I miss her voice, her doa for me each morning i salam her for school, her dishes for my kelas agama. And every wednesday and saturday where she went back from night market, buying us burger, fried chicken or kuihs, where we anticipate her returning and watching TV together after that.
Everything.
That hurt feeling like one of your blessing being taken away.
Its just that i had so many regrets. Yep. As i grow up i forgot the blessing i had.
Ego it is. Selfish it was.
And i think im being punished for my act.
Granpa being not so healthy too. Those memories where he picked me up from kindergarten, buying the girlish red sandal at pasar tani when i was 5/6 years old. And again, everything.
I hope im not gonna experience the same thing with my grandpa. I want to see him if anything happen.
Yep. I am the one who literally raised up by my gramps since i was a baby until i was 12-13years old. Half of my life spent there.
If i were to choose one and only wish, i wish that Allah grant my gramps and parents Jannah. Cause they deserve it, so much.
---
The thought of you need to work hard. They have been through hardship and it is sad that in this condition, i seems to not pay for their kindness. I lost. Seriously im so lost these days. Aku tak tahu aku buat apa. I feel demotivated and everything.
Idk. Today is just sad. I talk to my father regarding a matter, and i feel guilt and useless.
I want to grad and make em proud.
Haih. Bercampur baur dah otak ni.
Sad fara sadddddd.
You are so sad fara.
Dissapointed. I am.
All those memories of my late grandma pierced into my mind.
And it hurts. Badly.
I miss her voice, her doa for me each morning i salam her for school, her dishes for my kelas agama. And every wednesday and saturday where she went back from night market, buying us burger, fried chicken or kuihs, where we anticipate her returning and watching TV together after that.
Everything.
That hurt feeling like one of your blessing being taken away.
Its just that i had so many regrets. Yep. As i grow up i forgot the blessing i had.
Ego it is. Selfish it was.
And i think im being punished for my act.
Granpa being not so healthy too. Those memories where he picked me up from kindergarten, buying the girlish red sandal at pasar tani when i was 5/6 years old. And again, everything.
I hope im not gonna experience the same thing with my grandpa. I want to see him if anything happen.
Yep. I am the one who literally raised up by my gramps since i was a baby until i was 12-13years old. Half of my life spent there.
If i were to choose one and only wish, i wish that Allah grant my gramps and parents Jannah. Cause they deserve it, so much.
---
The thought of you need to work hard. They have been through hardship and it is sad that in this condition, i seems to not pay for their kindness. I lost. Seriously im so lost these days. Aku tak tahu aku buat apa. I feel demotivated and everything.
Idk. Today is just sad. I talk to my father regarding a matter, and i feel guilt and useless.
I want to grad and make em proud.
Haih. Bercampur baur dah otak ni.
Sad fara sadddddd.
You are so sad fara.
Dissapointed. I am.
Thursday 22 December 2016
Rant.
Its almost 2am and i cant sleep. Rasa banyak benda dalam kepala. Maigosh serabut rasa. Bila pejam mata macam-macam benda datang. And yes, amik balik phone scroll everything possible nak bagi tidur huhu
Tiba-tiba teringat yang i ada blog dan i dont even remember the login acc for this blog. Seriously i do have 5 active gmail accounts and I tried every single email to login but none of it works. Rasa macam desperate because yes i lowkey treasure this blog. And tiba-tiba lagi ttupp dalam kepala yang i got another email yg i rarely used. I mean one email i use for youtube channel of ent purpose haha 2nd one for official bussiness like academic etc. 3rd one for yayasan bank rakyat. 4th one for insta and twitter. And bla bla bla malas nak recall. But this last one i rarely use. I dont even remember the purpose i created one. Rasa macam sebab nak pindah acc from my old gmail acc because rasa macam kena privacy invasion bila guna the other email.
Nah, i talk crap again.
Forget bout it. Attempt nak tidur je ni. Tapi bergunung pulak rasa masalah dalam kepala haha tak tahuuuu lah macam mana. How can i survive. Entah entah entah. Academic wise, then another personal matter. Dengan fyp ethic tak approve lagi. Berapa kali buat correction idk. Rasa malas nak hadap. But then i remember this old saying from someone : -
"Time heals everything.."
"Bad time will pass.."
Idk. Rasa in this state macam time kill pun ye jugak.
Dah la. I listened to Path right now. Everytime i listen to this song these lyrics caught me off guard. Seriously rasa macam adoi deepnya. Idk. Emo lebih kot. Haha
Would I have changed? If I had chosen a different path, if I had stopped and looked back
What will I get to see? At the end of this road, where you would be standing
Heyy. It been so long since my last post rasa macam rindu blog. Haha. I cut down my social medias interaction right now. I rarely use the FB. Once in 2-3weeks? Again, malas nak hadap perangai manusia. I layan youtube je nowadays. Insta pun tak buka sangat. I rasa nak deactivate old twitter. I use my new twitter untuk entertainment purpose juga sama macam youtube. I swear i follow acc of my current interest which is i prefer to keep it as secret. Hahah. Entah lah, rasa macam they kinda offer me big help and motivation to harung this everything.
We had a small talk on how we got here during our dinner today. Yes, after freaking 4th year. This is kinda not what i wanted tho but i believe God put people where they belong and i believe that God knows that this is where i am belongs.
Randomnya hai. Seriously benda2 bersarang ni la buat tak boleh tidur ni.
Glad that i found my email again.
Its already pass 2am. Lets sleep. Goodnite.
Tiba-tiba teringat yang i ada blog dan i dont even remember the login acc for this blog. Seriously i do have 5 active gmail accounts and I tried every single email to login but none of it works. Rasa macam desperate because yes i lowkey treasure this blog. And tiba-tiba lagi ttupp dalam kepala yang i got another email yg i rarely used. I mean one email i use for youtube channel of ent purpose haha 2nd one for official bussiness like academic etc. 3rd one for yayasan bank rakyat. 4th one for insta and twitter. And bla bla bla malas nak recall. But this last one i rarely use. I dont even remember the purpose i created one. Rasa macam sebab nak pindah acc from my old gmail acc because rasa macam kena privacy invasion bila guna the other email.
Nah, i talk crap again.
Forget bout it. Attempt nak tidur je ni. Tapi bergunung pulak rasa masalah dalam kepala haha tak tahuuuu lah macam mana. How can i survive. Entah entah entah. Academic wise, then another personal matter. Dengan fyp ethic tak approve lagi. Berapa kali buat correction idk. Rasa malas nak hadap. But then i remember this old saying from someone : -
"Time heals everything.."
"Bad time will pass.."
Idk. Rasa in this state macam time kill pun ye jugak.
Dah la. I listened to Path right now. Everytime i listen to this song these lyrics caught me off guard. Seriously rasa macam adoi deepnya. Idk. Emo lebih kot. Haha
Would I have changed? If I had chosen a different path, if I had stopped and looked back
What will I get to see? At the end of this road, where you would be standing
Heyy. It been so long since my last post rasa macam rindu blog. Haha. I cut down my social medias interaction right now. I rarely use the FB. Once in 2-3weeks? Again, malas nak hadap perangai manusia. I layan youtube je nowadays. Insta pun tak buka sangat. I rasa nak deactivate old twitter. I use my new twitter untuk entertainment purpose juga sama macam youtube. I swear i follow acc of my current interest which is i prefer to keep it as secret. Hahah. Entah lah, rasa macam they kinda offer me big help and motivation to harung this everything.
We had a small talk on how we got here during our dinner today. Yes, after freaking 4th year. This is kinda not what i wanted tho but i believe God put people where they belong and i believe that God knows that this is where i am belongs.
Randomnya hai. Seriously benda2 bersarang ni la buat tak boleh tidur ni.
Glad that i found my email again.
Its already pass 2am. Lets sleep. Goodnite.
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