Grandma.

Its 2.35am and once again i have difficulty to sleep.

All those memories of my late grandma pierced into my mind.

And it hurts. Badly.

I miss her voice, her doa for me each morning i salam her for school, her dishes for my kelas agama. And every wednesday and saturday where she went back from night market, buying us burger, fried chicken or kuihs, where we anticipate her returning and watching TV together after that.
Everything.

That hurt feeling like one of your blessing being taken away.

Its just that i had so many regrets. Yep. As i grow up i forgot the blessing i had.
Ego it is. Selfish it was.

And i think im being punished for my act.

Granpa being not so healthy too. Those memories where he picked me up from kindergarten, buying the girlish red sandal at pasar tani when i was 5/6 years old. And again, everything.

I hope im not gonna experience the same thing with my grandpa. I want to see him if anything happen.

Yep. I am the one who literally raised up by my gramps since i was a baby until i was 12-13years old. Half of my life spent there.


If i were to choose one and only wish, i wish that Allah grant my gramps and parents Jannah. Cause they deserve it, so much.




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The thought of you need to work hard. They have been through hardship and it is sad that in this condition, i seems to not pay for their kindness. I lost. Seriously im so lost these days. Aku tak tahu aku buat apa. I feel demotivated and everything.

Idk. Today is just sad. I talk to my father regarding a matter, and i feel guilt and useless.

I want to grad and make em proud.

Haih. Bercampur baur dah otak ni.

Sad fara sadddddd.

You are so sad fara.

Dissapointed. I am.