Kebaikan.

Hi. Hello.

Okay. Ive been doing nothing this sem break. I know i suppose to, i mean i have to finish my literature review before the new sem. I know. I know. Plus, free time is silent killer tbvh. When you got that free time, all the negativity comes around. Haha. Well you know, im not in my best condition. But who cares, i always be and nevermind, im okay. Maturity process at its best.

Wait. Why even im here?

Okay. Nevermind, let me share something. Well, today is seriously a hibernating day. Its raining all day long. Nothing much to do. Astro being sucks by airing the same show over and over again and im being one of lifeless people staring at gadgets everytime. Not gonna lie, i changed from ipad to phone to laptop while im on twitter and youtube. Seriously. The content is the same but yeah im deadass bored. Im not a fan of movie either. I remember i ate the space of my hardisk for movies and dramas but i dont even know where i put that square white thing.

Soooo, i decided to read a book. Any book. To kill a mockingbird is one of my to-be-read list but silly me i left it at usm hoping for ghostread maybe. Geez. I decided to read a novel. I dont remember the title because ;

I failed. I ended up fall asleep when my mom came into my room and sneak under the comforter, she fall asleep so am i. Whatever.

Anyway, i managed to read a chapter of 101 Nasihat Rasulullah Untuk Menjadi Muslimah Paling Bahagia.

Then yeah, i stuck at this qoute :

From Dzun Nun Al-Masri - Dunia tidak baik melainkan dengan meningatiNya, akhirat tidak baik melainkan dengan kemaafanNya, dan syurga tidak baik melainkan dengan melihatNya.

Ddang. This one seriously pierced into my heart.

What am i even doing to deserve all the kebaikan? Let alone akhirat and syurga, im saying about dunia itself.

I remember after i finish my clinic exam, im not in my best state where i recalled everything back, reflecting myself and i ended up being depressed. Lol. I went outside, watching people playing football just to kill time and did some thinking with my Spotify on. Im impressed somehow the songs fit the situation that i bawled my eyes out. I seriously enjoy my time alone. I even questioning my sanity. Lmao. Nvm, in just exeggarating.

Okay back to the main point, after all those thinking i went to surau and i got my biggest lesson of life. The imam made a mistake, i guess dia tertambah rakaat something like that and everyone being so confused after that.

Then, i asked the jemaah and now i know that imam made a mistake in 2nd rakaat so he counter it back with sujud sahwi. Tbvh, i learnt this but i never encounter this situation. So i was kinda like what is happening? I discuss with one kakak and this for sure younger than me girl, wayyy younger i guess. I asked what should i read/recite *sorry fail eng* during the sujud (im being honest here, i have no idea about the doa) and that younger girl can fluently recite the doa.

HAHA. Biggest joke ever to yourself Fara. And at that moment, i realised im not supposed or more appropriate if i say i dont deserved to be sad/depressed if nothing goes right in my life. Especially academic wise.

Why?

Im being gloomy all day long because i think i didnt perform well etc buuuut i forget that i never really tunaikan hak Tuhan. How i can ever dream segala kebaikan? Silly me.

And that qoute reminded me again about that incident. And i know, Tuhan saja je nak tunjuk something haritu :/

Im grateful tho.

Im not saying that im ready to accept any kind of result or outcome but i can say that's what im exactly saying. Idk. I wish i can improve myself so that im happy with both. Dunia and akhirat.

But yes somehow bila terkejar dunia ni seriously u forget about akhirat. I remember during my busy time (those ethical approval presentation wth etc), i rarely reflecting myself. What ive done today, what kind of words i spit today. Idk. Bangun, klinik, buat kerja, fangirl2 kejap, tidur. Lifeless.

Apa-apa je lah. This ranting going nowhere.

I seriously want to improve myself. For those who reading this, pray for me gais. Thanks :)