Long rant.

Hello. Im home and as usual im having prob sleeping at night. Geez i swear it is not because i slept during the day but my brain cannot stop working. Night equal to the moment i contemplating my life the most. Haha. Well 170119 is definitely one of my joyous day (not gonna tell why) but im falling too deep thinking how my life is going.

First,

Lately my imaginations become reality. Yes. Most of them to the point im scared asf.

Last 2 days, i wake up and suddenly the thougt of what if i left my purse everywhere and people found it and they viral(lol exaggerating) it on fb etc. Random thought that suddenly popped out of mind. And guess whaaat, yesterday two akak rang the bell and said that she saw my ic on fb (they were from rukun tetangga idk something has to do with u duduk taman and community something like that) they came just to inform me in case i didnt realized about my lost ic. Yes. I dont even noticed because last time i check my purse was there in my handbag and how the hell i left my ic.

And i was like what?! The moment i realized about my lost ic and the thought from a day before creeps in.

Still terfikir macam mana boleh tercicir. Herhh.

Today, my friend dm-ed me on twitter about my ic. She showed me the post. Lol. Malu gila aih. Anyway, i picked up the ic already at the bus terminal. Along with my money. Humanity restored. Tak ada satu pun tertinggal. And i thank the 2 kakak the most for still ambil berat pasal jiran2 yeah u know people can be nosy sometimes but we should live the advantages right?

Second,

Since last month and this month is somehow an award season i am imagining ma boys did a mash up and it become fking reality. And i hope they would mentioning something about life and yes, they did. Today!

Moving into random things to talk about -

One -

Im not going to be emotional but people questionning me when i stan ma boy the most.

I did. I did. Badly.

Reason?

I see my reflection.

Remembering today's qoute ;

Something like ;

"In 2016, we laugh a lot, we cried a lot, we work hard and i hope in 2017 we can smile.."

I dont remember the exact thing but yes 2016 has been a really tough year for me.

I lost myself, i lost my dear one,

If people asked me to describe my 2016,

I would say,

- Forever.

2016 seems like forever. Its been a looong journey that i would say i crawl to pass through the days.

I cried, i laugh and ofc i work hard but the hard work seems not enough.

My life in 2016 was a flop. Im not gonna lie.

Two -

Be grateful with what u have rather than what u lost. I learn this all the way in 2016.

And I refrained myself from complaining and always be grateful of even small achievement.

Idk. Thats how i keep going.

I told ya mental war is far more badass than physical war.

Plus my health condition is rather bad this year, i had an appt with doctor every 1 month, it just that in jan the dr decided to see me less often.

Nahh,

I hope 2017 will be a year when i can put a smile on everyone. Idc about myself anymore. Lol.

Im gonna say that i living someone's else dream right now -

I dont have one.

Or i would say - i do

But in this condition my dream seems impossible.

Naaahh. I dont even know. I hope all the pain and tears help me grow.

To put it simple, if nothing goes right, i wont blame someone else.

It is me who need to reflect and change.

~ there u go my first random post in 2017. These are the thought that playing in my head. I have much more than this but my fingers gonna explode soon if i write everything down. I swear this is not even 20% of my thought.

~ my phone screen dah barai. It fell down from about the distance of my shoulder to the floor. I thought the tempered glass cracked but heck a portion of the screen cracked. I ended up neglecting my phone for a whole day because im so frustrated to the point rasa nak campak je my phone. And yes there u go about 300+ whatsapp and mostly orang nak sewa kereta but im lazy rn. Plus those are from pagi-petang tadi. Sorry not sorry.

Adios.